User blog:Nobody700/Arrow Reviews: Episode 1; My name is Nobody700

Hello, I am Nobody700, but you can call me N700. Today, I plan to review Arrow! Every episode, from 1 to the latest! From a good season 1, an amazing season 2, a shitty season 3, and a season either slightly better, or slights worse then 3 but still shit 4, and even the spin offs! I shall use a point system for said episode, that will go from 1 to 10. Each episode shall start at 5, and will go up or down due to moments. The scores shall not go to future episodes, so if a good plot point in one episode ends shit in another, it shall not affect the episode. Also, I suggest watching said episode during review. Today we review

The Pilot
So we start the episode with a crazy man going crazy on an island, jumping around and going all wacky. He spots a boat, and fires a fire arrow in the air, setting an explosion. He has declared war! No, he alerted them, and Oliver narrates. Oh, did I forget to mention early season 1 Oliver made wood look like good actors? Thank god Amell actually took classes. Also, dead Slade! But... That's not how he died.

Picky Fanboy: LAMEBODY7000000000, THAT WAS EXPLAINED IN THE BOOK...



A show should explain. It's not bad, it just bothers me. So Oliver stayed there for 5 years, all to come home. He explains he is, Oliver Queen.

So the news reports Oliver Queen is found, and used to be a drunken idiot who abused camera men and would go on crazy party's. Well so what, every celebrity does that. News should report more crazy stuff. So NOT Starling city is shown, and the doctor explains Oliver is well... Broken. He also explains Oliver is mentally scarred as well, and warns Olivers mother, Moria Queen he is not the same boy they knew. Yet Olly seems cool. I am going to give a point for the scene they make up. You can see on both their faces, how happy they are to see each other.

(BTW, at moments I love or loath, I will at most give or take 3 points. No more, no less, but it has to be incredibly powerful, and I will have to explain why.)

Points: 6

So they head to SMALLVILLE, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK... No, just the same mansion set. Thank god. Oliver is introduced to Walter Steel (Not Steel the hero, sadly. Course he would have been played by Shaq... Which would have been AWESOME!) Oliver also sees his old friend, one of the closest he ever had, Raisa. Oh, you don't know Raisa? She was his maid... From just the pilot. We only hear from her two times, and only small moments, so I think I know what happened. She failed the city, so Oliver had to kill her. I shall respect her by never mentioning her in my review.

Oliver also meets Thea again, and they hug. I will actually give a point for this. The hero has a non evil sibling. Yeah, that's so rare in comics, and I love it. Someone they can be close with. I'm tired of either single child OR they are evil. So, yeah, just by having an non evil sibling is a point.

Points: 7

Sadly... We meet Laurel. I'll talk about her soon. Laurel is pissed (GET USED TO THAT!) But for one of the few times ever, at something actually pissed at worthy. Some sleaze bag rich bastard is going free from the law, and Laurel wants to take him down. She also learns Oliver is alive. Also, Sara used to be a brunette. Weird. Next, we get Oliver's inside mind. Oh boy, I found these weird, and I'm glad they stopped. But, I will admit at latest episodes... I wonder if we should have gotten that back. I would like to know his opinion on... Some of the more weirder choices he and others make. But, while I hate it, not enough to lose a point.

So Flashback to the Queens gambit, where they are on a storm, and pre island Ollie looks like a bitch. We also learn Oliver is cheating on Laurel, his Gf, with her sister Sara. But, we also learn he's cheating on Sara with Laurels other sister, Sarah! But none of the lances liked her, so they never mention that brunette bitch again. Robert tells Oliver he's an idiot. But that's when Tommy comes in. Tommy!

Tommy begins telling Oliver everything lame happened, and Oliver asks to go to the office. His mother makes a face that would be the same if he just said 'I humped a rock for 5 years'. Oliver then begins speaking Russian. Bad Russian. He also points out his superpower, knowing who is banging his mother. Walter fucked his mommy. He failed this city! Kill him! Well, Walter is married to Moria.

Oliver leaves, knowing that some guy named Walter banged his mom, and we go back to the boat, where Oliver is with Sarah. Meanwhile, Sara is probably on the toilet. That's when the boat rocks, and not cause of Olivers fuck moves, but cause of the storm. Sarah then dies! Meanwhile, Sara is gone as well. Olly is saved by his dad, and some other guy. The boat goes down, and no iceberg is on sight, so the murderer could be anyone... OR ANYTHING! Moria tries to wake him, and Olly responds by trying to kill her. Like you would. Still, I have to give this scene a point. Oliver responds with fear and sadness, about almost ripping his moms throat out, and Moria forgives him, telling him he's home. So she actually remembered the doctor saying Olivers scars would probably mean shit went down. So, I like scenes where people do something bad but not out of evil, and is forgiven because the person understands. Makes everyone smart and kind.

Points: 8

Oliver goes under a bed, and happens to have stuff. Thea and her friend Stupid almost tries drugs, but Oliver stops them by calling Thea 'Speedy'. Umm, why does that sound like a nickname for someone ON drugs. Oliver uses his crappy season 1 acting to give Thea a gift, and Tommy is inside, ready to tear the city apart with Oliver. He also calls Thea hot. Excuse me.



Okay, so Tommy says he got laid at Olivers mock funeral. Most guys would approve at their best friend getting lucky at their funeral. Oliver then sees the glades, which is basically footage of Detroit. He says Olivers dads factory was the main thing in the glades. So Oliver wants to see Laurel, and Tommy straight up says she liked Oliver dead. What a bitch. I know she hates him, and I admit for good reason... But guess what, she does hate him even after 5 years, and knowing his dad died. When he sees her, you can see her face go 'Shit, YOU'RE alive?' He even goes to her and apologizes for everything, and she asks him why he is alive. Hey Laurel, a man you thought died comes back and wants to apologize, and you hate him still?! Petty, Bitch. Yeah, I hate her so much, lost point because Oliver doesn't go 'Oh, I'm sorry for being alive! I should have died on that island, you bitch. Sorry for even trying to be nice to you.'

Points: 7

Well, when she leaves, he and Tommy are attacked by masked men with guns. Who then torture them for information. Still better then Laurel. Oliver has memories of his dad trying to help his son, while the other man watches with anger. Robert then tells Ollie he failed the city. The bad guys proceed to take him, wanting him to know what he knows. Oliver replies he did, and he says 'He told me I'm going to kill you'. So Robert can either see the future, or Olly has a little Robert in his head telling him to kill. I like that one better. Oliver breaks through his cuffs, and proceeds to kill all the bandits. In a badass way I say. Shows the action and how brutal Olly is. Also during a chase scene he does the most adorable leap frog move.

Points: 8

So Oliver says someone beat the crap out of them, saving him. The cop seems rather mean, why is that? Oh, he's Laurels dad. Makes sense. Also, of course HE happens to come. Maybe Lance likes stalking Olly? The cops leave, with Lance making snide remarks to Oliver. So why do I not hate Lance as much as Laurel? Cause she acts 3x as cruel as him, and we are supposed to like her. Also she is more petty. Now, we are brought to the list, a little list where every bad guy in Starling is in it.

We are also introduced to Diggle! My main Diggle man. He is Ollies bodyguard. Man, a bromance is born just from one stare. So while Diggle acts all tough, Oliver seems to jump out of the car with ease. That was quick. Also impossible. Oliver heads to the old factory, to set up base for, THE ARROW CAVE! Or, the Quiver. So Ollie constructs the Quiver all by himself, cause he is worth it. He also salmon bar, and I shall give a point for the workout cause it is awesome, and cause Stephen can do it.

Points: 9

He also has weapons in a box. Makes no sense at all where he hid those from his family from the island.

Points: 8

So Adam is seen, making threats to Laurel. So, his bodyguards know he is a monster. So I lose all sympathy for them. Oliver threatens Adam to pay back those people, or else he'll take it. So Adam reports him, and Lance happens to be the cop?! What?! Is Lance the only cop in Starling?! So Oliver heads to the party, but this time Diggle is smart, and sits with him. Damn you Digs! Robert should kill him. Oliver is at a crazy party, and We are the Champions play. I love that song. The party is also next to Adams place. Tommy also says Oliver has not had sex in 1,893 days. 3 things. 1. He did. 2. Creepy. 3. He counted every day Oliver was gone? AHHH, make that a point.

Points: 9

Also a shitty joke about how Twilight sucks. I hate every 'Twilight joke sucks'.

Points: 8

Thea heads to the party, and acts like a bitch when Oliver doesn't want a young girl at a crazy party. She replies 'You died, I get to act stupid', and tries to drugs.

Points: 7

Oliver takes her drugs, and Laurel appears. She actually... APOLOGIZES?! That is both rare, and good. Also, Oliver says he wished he died if it meant Sara lived. So... Yeah, I aprove. Laurel also says she would love to talk to Oliver if it means he needs help. Well hot damn, I'm loving it.

Points: 9

Then it's somewhat ruined when Oliver acts like a dick for no reason. Laurel then replies by being a bitch. So yeah, fuck you.

Points: 6

Diggle stops Oliver, and he seems rather smart, but Oliver outsmarts him... With violence! Adams guards set up, ready for an attack, with the police guarding the building. But Ollie tales out the lights, and attacks from the elevator! No one saw it coming, because no one uses the elevator. Also, again, guards protecting Adam are pretty much bad because come on, evil C.E.O's hang with evil guys. You don't have a nice guard, cause he will be opposed to drowning Orphans. So Oliver 'misses' Adam, and battles Drakon. It's a pretty nice fight.

Points: 7

Oliver seems like he's down, but not out, and he escapes from the building, into the party next door. Lance tries to find him, but can't. Cause Oliver is that good. Costume is probably in the Trashcan. With Thea's drugs. Also, Adam seems to have 40 million dollars during missing, from the arrow draining the money. Ahh, I bet you all guessed that because you aren't two. The money goes to who deserves it, and Ollie remembers how his dad died. The man on the boat seems ready to kill the two of them for the remaining food and water, but Robert is too cool for that, and thus kills the man and both himself to protect his son, and let him live. Badass father.

Points: 8

Laurel is at work, when Tommy appears, and they reveal they are fucking. Damn it Tommy, don't bang Laurel. Her vagina is made of razor blades and sand paper. Also Ollie stalks them, because he is a creeper. The episode ends, revealing that the one who sent the men to torture Oliver... Was Moria! DUN DUN DUN!

Score: 8, Pretty good with some flaws. https://youtu.be/uE4xHl4VAvU

Thoughts: While some flaws, Laurel and Ollie acting like a bastard to her for no reason (Yes, I know for darkness... But that's bullshit, and we all know it. Keeping loved ones away from the knowledge you are a superhero is stupid and makes no sense), it is still a strong start for the show, and promises good things. The action is awesome, the sad scenes are sad, and Diggle Diggles. So I say it did its job. I'll see you all again, very soon.