User blog:Nobody700/Flash Reviews: Episode 3; Still better then Gotham

In this episode, I make fart jokes. How mature.

Things you can't outrun
So Barry says everyone runs. Nice to know people without legs are running, jackass. So Barry starts telling Iris all about Last of us. What a fuckin nerd. Now excuse me while I review an episode of a show about a guy with super speed. Iris wants to see some streaker and he claims it may be a woman. A female speedster? Hah, what a joke. Iris gets called away while Barry must deal with a dog leash violation when a man shot someone with it. Fuckin vigilantes. Well Barry saves some lives by putting a guy in a car somehow. How fast is the Barry? Well Iris says Barry is fat at heart, and he wants to eat. Well the mob of Central city begin their usual evil shit while Oh fuck, it's Anthony Carrigan, probably one of my least favorite DC actors. He's just so over the top without the fun stuff about it like how Shatner overacts. Note, you want to overact? Watch Shatner, he'll teach you how to eat ham. Well a bad fart attack kills the mob.

Yeah, I used a fart joke. Get over it. Well Barry sees some cops brag they get all the arrests ever and they plan to brag about it forever. Joe has the evidence to his mother's case, and he says now the two will work together instead of little Barry. Barry also says that 52 is the reason his dad is in jail. Well don't hate 52 so much Barry, they made your dad important. Maybe cause of this show, though... Well, Barry says that the case seems weird cause of the gas attack, and Barry deduces it was a meta. He uses logic to find it out, and Joe says they need backup. Let me call Oliver and nah, it's the nerd squad. The 3 begin to act like nerds while Joe is too cool for science! Well Wells says that every meta so far has died, so they need to make a prison when the reaper tales a break. Cisco suggests the actual accelerator, while Caitlin has Vietnam flashbacks to the event.

Ahh, back in the days, when Wells could powerwalker, Caitlin was banging Ollie's cousin once removed, and some asshole named Hartley was harassing Cisco. Also, when they had an actual staff. None of them ever spoke, but a staff, none the less. Harrison also says he has been waiting for this for centuries.

Reverse Moment: 4

I'll stop when it's confirmed, I promise. So everyone celebrates until Wells drink decides to fuck gravity. That isn't good. Also Caitlin's flashback face looks like she farted. Barry sees she's in trouble, and bails her out by saying she can help him. That's nice, he barely knows her, and acts nice to her.

Points: 6

Well Caitlin heads out to help Barry who is abused by the cops. Caitlin disapproves. Well Joe watches the interview to see Barry's dad telling everyone he isn't a murderer. Iris thinks he is watching porn, when Joe is watching ways to solve crimes. Dude, crime porn is like, my favorite kind. Well Eddie heads in, and with a boner, asks if Joe can hang with him. He also heads to the bathroom to watch crime porn. Also, he wants to bang Iris. She tells him nah, Joe will kill them. Hah, a violent Joe Wells? Yeah right, that's stupid. Well Wells shows Cisco his new prison. He's gonna call it a reverse prison. Cisco has his flashbacks, which looks like he is staring at a billboard of a naked woman. R these guys need new faces for flashbacks. Well Ronnie tells Caitlin he will be fine, or his name isn't dead love interest.

He and Cisco work together to prevent the particle accelerator from taking out the city, when Cisco is forced to close the doors to save the city... But trapping Ronnie. Wells tells him to head out, while he tells him it's okay to feel bad. Cisco pretends not to feel bad by running away crying. Well Barry asks about Ronnie. Ahh, classic Snowbarry. Talking about someone they love who isn't each other. Caitlin mentions she's as cold as ice while Ronnie was as hot as the sun. WOW, WHAT CLEVER FORESHADOWING! NEXT, PUT HIM IN A RED SHIRT AND YOU IN A BLUE SHIRT, AND DO IT WHILE TALKING ABOUT SNOW AND FIRE! What I'm saying is, they find out who killed them.

Zsasz. Well he acts very stilted, and tries to kill her with his bad acting. He fails, so he tries to kill her the old fashioned way. With his shit. Well Barry heads out to stop it when Wells outs himself as... Someone who eats. The bastrad! Flash sees she died, but found the gas man. The two face off, while Mist boy says fuck off, he needs to cross the people off his list to avenge his father and right his city. Barry finds that idea stupid, and fights him. Barry almost dies when he is gassed, and heads to the labs to get healed. Caitlin uses her knowledge of tv show medical drama to heal Barry. Barry compares this to smoking. Smoking will kill you. Cisco decides the bad guy is the Mist. This time, the guy isn't dead, so it works. Well Barry heads out to see Joe to tell him about the meta, a guy who can become gas.

Joe says this is new. Dude, this is your third meta, calm down. Maybe if he was your 12th I would get it. Barry acts depressed about failing, saying he can break his dad out of prison. Joe agrees. What next? He also says Barry's dad isn't a speedster. Oh man, you are so wrong on so many levels for so many reasons... Yet still so right. Well Barry says fuck you, and runs away crying. Eddie mocks people for thinking a guy with superpowers are real. He prefers his world where guys with bow and arrows fight crime and stop terror attacks, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Iris finds this so hot, she makes out with him. Barry is now even sadder. Don't worry Barry, one day you'll be groping her ass at a Christmas party. Proof that Grant isn't gay.

Well Caitlin tells Barry her backstory, but Barry repels it wth his own. Mine is sadder. I once farted at a funeral. Well Barry helps Caitlin confront her fear by throwing her inside of the accelerator. Robbie tells Caitlin that he gonna die. Also, TiVo Orange is the new black. Sadly, Caitlin never told him that Orange is the new black is Netflix exclusive. Caitlin and Barry hug, and a massive ship was born, titled... I wanna see Barry fuck Caitlin. Well the two find the poison, and Barry suggests a gas chamber guy was the killer. They find him, and they learn who arrested the guy. Joe! Joe heads to prison, where Mist is ready to show him his deadliest fart joke. Barry asks to know where Joe is, and Eddie tells him he's at the prison. The police arrested him when they saw he had a gun.

Well Henry sees Joe, and acts like I would when seeing first few episodes Laurel. With disdain. Joe reveals he finally knows Henry was innocent. Henry says 'UH DOI!' And Barry reveals he has watched prison break so many times, he can break out of any prison. So how hard can breaking in be? Well the prison is attacked by Zsasz, who is ready to kill everyone while Joe does the new dance craze, 'Dying seizure'. Barry cures him, and sees his dad. Henry must be going through all kinds of Deja Vu. Barry heads out to battle his greatest enemy yet... Fart Bomb. Mist reveals he can go 'Eating burrito mode' and tries to kill Barry. Barry says fuck that noise, he has super speed and can escape his mist attacks. So Barry plays 'Can't touch this' and Mist can't touch this, getting decked by Barry. So Joe is being taken care of while Barry tells him he won't break his dad out of prison. He leaves so Iris can drop some truth bombs.

She and Eddie are dating. Joe disapproves. No way his daughter is dating a white boy. Joe also threatens to shoot Eddie. Eddie says Nuh uh, he gonna shoot himself first. Joe says he likes things normal. Mist, as a shitty actor who can't even act rage, can't break out of super jail. Caitlin finds this weird, but Wells says this is normal. Cisco decides to drop some truth bombs. He and Eddie are dating. Caitlin disapproves. No way her friends is dating a white boy. Also she forgives him for killing Ronnie. She always preferred his cousin, anyway. Barry sees Henry, and drops some truth bombs. He and Eddie are dating. Henry approves. His son should be dating a white boy. Harry also says Barry has always been running. Never really fast, just kinda running.

Barry admits to himself no one can outrun pain, but he can give mugging victims knives. Iris writes her newest blog series. Some Flash reviews. She gives this episode a 9, while I give it a 6. Well Wells looks at Barry's suit, smiling while remembering how the accelerator was about to blow. He heads to his special room, and checks his footage of crime porn. Also Barry getting powers.

Reverse Moment: 5

Score 6: Slightly above average https://youtu.be/6YMPAH67f4o

MVC: Henry. His speech was sweet.

MSC: Mist. I dislike the actor.

Thoughts: If you aren't hooked on the show, too bad. The fights are getting better, the drama is getting real, Henry is showing why Barry loves his dad, and black gal on white guy drama is averted.