Board Thread:Fun and Games/@comment-5441128-20181021071810/@comment-5536445-20190204051509

MEANWHILE AT THE LEGION OF DOOM!

Thawne: Alright, listen. I know we were planning on going out to the annual team building vacation at Happy Harbor this weekend, but we just don't have it in the budget, okay?

Captain Cold: You're getting soft!

Plastique: That’s it. We’re calling PETA, and I’m tearing this place down!

Thawne: Okayokay, guys, I know you're upset, but don't destroy the damn place, 'cause I'm still paying this bad boy off! You have any idea how much it costs to maintain this immersable skull-shaped base in the middle of the city on an alternate earth? There’s no one helping my ass here!

Thawne: Anyway, I’ve prepared a 30-point presentation on how we will defeat the…uh…Justi-no…Superfrie-no…just…the Team!

(Crickets)

Thawne: Hey, you better be clapping! Who pays all your idiot salaries, huh?

Malcom Merlyn: Nobody does, you idiot, we’re f***ing criminals.

Indigo: The Almighty Indigo has a question.

Thawne: Sigh…yes, Indigo?

Indigo: The Almighty Indigo wishes to know why no one refilled the coffee machine after it was empty.

Malcom: What do you care? You don’t even drink coffee.

Indigo: The Almighty Indigo likes to have a semblance of order to her day.

Malcom: F***ing weirdo…

Darhk: This coming from the man who can’t seem to get his loyalties straight and runs around murdering people with a bow and arrow?

Malcom: You’re one to talk, Vandal Savage ripoff.

Darhk: Me? The ripoff? That's like saying Grodd here ripped off Monsieur Mallah because he can’t talk!

Grodd: Last - time…not my fault…wish Grodd talked!

Thawne: Enough! God, every Monday with you people, can we please just get back onto our evil plan?

Malcom: No.

Zoom: I’d love to hear about your plan, Mr. Eobard!

Malcom: Shut up, kissass, you’re only here ‘cause Godspeed said NO to joining the Legion.

Zoom: Aw…

Thawne: Hey all’a you shut up.

Thawne: Anyway, Part One of my Thirty Point Plan is-

Malcom: Let me guess, most of the points involve trying to kill the Flash because you couldn’t be the Flash?

…

…

Thawne: Okay, Part 29 of my 30-point plan is-

Darhk: Personally, killing Oliver Queen first is a better idea.

Indigo: The Almighty Indigo suggests the assassination of Kara Zor-El is bet-

Thawne: ANYWAY! Part 29 of my 30-point plan is to use this dream machine to have the…Team, to steal the world’s valuables for ransom, so-

Indigo: The Almighty Indigo would like to propose a new name for the “Dream Machine”.

Malcom: Seconded.

Heatwave: Heatwave seconds.

Malcom: Mah MAN!

Heatwave: Yup.

Thawne: I don’t think that matters, honestly.

Darhk: Proper branding is pretty important, Eobard.

Thawne: Ugh…fine, the motion carries. How about…the Professor Zoom approved Dream Machine?

Thinker: I’M THINKING, MR. THAWNE, WHO MIGHT BE WHINY AND FULL OF HIMSELF?

Non: Me Non think Ben Lockwood?

Thawne: Fine, fine. Anyone else got suggestions?

Malcom: MIND F**KER

(Cheers and claps)

Thawne: Oh come on, seriously?

Darhk: All opposed?

Zoom: I’M WITH YOOOOUUU, THAWNE!

Darhk: Motion carries. Mind F**ker it is then.

Thawne: Uggghhh…we’ll use the “Mind F**ker” to have them steal the world’s valuables. Part Two is we get the Flash to-

Malcom: Can we please do one plan where Flash doesn’t take priority? Seriously, your obsession with the guy is getting out of hand. Either f**k him or don’t, geez.

Indigo: The Almighty Indigo has just evaluated your long profile regarding your romantic inspirations with the Flash.

Thawne: DAMNIT I DON’T WANNA F**K THE FLASH!

Zoom: YEEEAAAAA-

Thawne: I DON’T WANNA F**K YOU EITHER, REVERSE-FLASH!

Zoom: Aw…

Captain Cold: You’re getting soft!

Malcom: Cold’s right. Can’t we just exclude the Flash and have the heroes jettison the valuables into space?

Captain Cold: YOU’RE GETTING SOFT!

Malcom: Oh, sorry, the coldness of space?

Thawne: Okay, new plan. We’ll use the dream machine-

Malcom: Mind F**ker

Thawne: Mind F**ker…to convince the…Team to steal all the world’s belongings. Then we jettison ‘em off into space.

Captain Cold: You’re getting soft!

Thawne: Sorry, the coldness of space.

Darhk: Then, we turn all the citizens of the planet into clones of me, Plastique, and Non!

Malcom: Seconded.

Thawne: W-Why?

Malcom: I dunno, seems fun.

Grodd: Casualties - several…explosions - many.

Thinker: I’M THINKING, MR. THAWNE-

Thawne: Thinker, for the love of the Speed Force, not everything has to begin with “I’m thinking”.

Thinker: (Triggered)  I’M THINKING, MR. THAWNE. WHAT COULD BE WHINY AND YELLOW BUT WANTS TO B**E THE FLASH?

Zoom: Aw…

Darhk: Hey, I think I know this one…

Thawne: Can we just agree with the plan already?! Okay, look, we’ll use the dream machi-

Malcom: Mind F**ker

Thawne: WHATEVER! To make them steal $h!t-

Darhk: WITHOUT THE FLASH!

Thawne: Without the goddamn Flash, and then we’ll send it all into friggin’ space-

Captain Cold: You’re getting soft!

Thawne: The f**king COLDness of space, and then we’ll turn everyone into Darhks, Nons, and Plastiques! I mean, I’m a supergenius from the 22nd Century who managed to create a company 12 years before it should have been created and orchestrated events to make others into superheroes, but SHIT WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW?!

Malcom: Seconded.

Darhk: Seconded.

Captain: You’re getting soft!

Indigo: The Almighty Indigo still would like to know who didn’t fill up the coffee machine!

Heatwave: WE ALL SUCK AT OUR JOBS! (Slams fist into table)

(LATER ON)

Thawne: Okay…Non will make sure to fill up the coffee machine on Mondays.

(Groans)

Thawne: What…now…

Darhk: He prepares it so improper. It takes the loam of the earth and shoves into a mug!

Non: What is “loam”?

Darhk: Dirt.

Non: Good, me Non worried that me Non not using right Dirt

Malcom: That would explain why Tommy had been literally (expleted for the children) after “Take your daughter to work day”…

Darhk: It was so awful, Mallus got expelled out of Nora early…

Thawne: Oh for the love of- look, can we please just activate the….(sigh)…the Mind F**ker…so we can just get this plan underway?

Malcom: Fire away, Thawne. Guarantee it isn’t gonna work, though.

Thawne: Shut up or I destroy the Lance of Longinus with the wave of my hand.

Malcom: What’s the Lance of - you mean the Spear of -

Thawne: What the- what?! The machine is filled with coffee grounds!

Heatwave: Yup.

Malcom: Can’t say I didn’t warn you…

Thawne: Merlyn…you saw this oaf put the grounds in…didn’t you?

Malcom: Yupadoo!

Thawne: Goddamnit people!

(STATIC FROM THE MONITOR)

Barry: Is this thing on?

Thawne: Ah crap! Everyone be cool! U-uh…Gideon! Put on the evil music!

(Evil music plays)

Thawne: Nyahahahaha! So, what does the pathetic do-gooder want with the…um…do-badders…

Plastique: Smooth.

Thawne: Shut up.

Barry: Yeah, it’s looking to be past the CW’s airtime, and the Monitor has a karate match with the Anti-Monitor, so…sooner’s gonna be better than later if you guys are planning anything…

…

…

Thawne: Hold please.

(Click)

Thawne: Have we been seriously arguing about the goddamn COFFEE MAKER FOR THE PAST 10 HOURS?!

Grodd: Par for course, father.

Thinker: I’M THINKING, MR. THAWNE, HOW I MAY GET BACK HOME? Seriously, this chair runs on double-A batteries, I had to take a bus here.

Darhk: You took a BUS to a parallel universe?

Thinker: I’m really trying to make public transit a thing here, especially what with all that meta-tech that dropped courtesy of myself.

Thawne: No, no, NO! None of us are leaving here until we use this damn thing!

Heatwave: Never really liked coffee. MILLER TIME FOR ME!

Thawne: If you people don’t even indulge me, I’m taking us back to the swamp!

Malcom: So?

Thawne: I hate you all so much right now…

Based closely on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQx-UWQcqpw