User blog:Nobody700/Arrow Reviews: Episode 16; Malcolm Merlyn Must be Murdered by Marauders

Deadshot is back! Yay! China white is back! Yay! I am back! NOOOOO!

Dead to Rights
So some guy is flown in while the police are after him because this man must have sent a dick pic to them. You have any other reason how they found out?! So the guy asks for a million to kill some guy, but Ollie decides this guy has failed the city. Because... Dick pic? So they have an arrow/Knife battle where Ollie shanks him with an arrow. Oliver escapes the police, while they arrest this guys corpse. He's under arrest for being dead on private property. Felicity gets her ass kicked (YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAAYAYYAAYAYAYAY) While Diggle tells her she should learn to fight. This idea is dropped by the next minute. THANKS! Ollie explains the guy is dead, but he needs to know who he wanted to kill, in case his clients hire someone else.

So in the plane of flashbacks, Ollie and Slade have sexy workouts, while Ollie tries to find a plan. Slade mocks him by referencing Gilligan's island. We should have had an Arrow/Gilligan's island crossover. Ollie decides to fix the radio, because he has a past of fixing radios. In present day, Hall asks why Ollie cut their... Oh wait, this episode doesn't suck. Instead, they make out. They go to one of the most awkward birthday parties because Tommy looks like he shit himself. Maybe he realized he is dating Laurel? Hall sees a pic of Sara having a pet Canary. SUBTLE AS A WRECKING BALL! Meanwhile, Sarah got a pet piranha, to foreshadow what would eat her.

Suddenly, Malcolm time! Malcolm is here, and blacker then ever in his suit. He wants to celebrate Tommys birthday, and I think he shit his pants even more. Malcolm tells him he is getting an award, and Tommy says fuck that noise. Malcolm says he will give Tommy his money, but Tommy says no. He doesn't want his dad's money. He then tells him that he taught him that the one who love won't be there for them when they need it. Savage.

Points: 6

So at Bludhaven, which for non DC fans is basically Detroit + Even more Crime X the power of cancer, Floyd is acting emo. He was probably raped alongside Dick, and he is tired of killing. China wants him, and he says that he can't even shoot. So she gives him a glowing eyepatch. Floyd likes it. So Moria and Frank think Malcolm should die at his awards. Malcolm explains their master plan is about to happen in a few months, while Moria pretends to be all gleeful. Felicity helps break into it, and finds the place that hired him was at a Chinese Resturant.. For the mob.

So Ollie goes to china town (Every city has a china town) on a date with Tommy (OLIVERXTOMMY 4VR!) Tommy and Ollie talk about Malcolm, where Oliver says one should be close to their family. Tommy says that Malcolm left for 2 years... And would also leave for more time at the league. Malcolm's backstory is weird. He explains that his dad was never really there for him, but Olivers dad was his real dad. Dawww, most likely cause Tommy is sort of like a son to him, cause of Thea. Oliver explains that in the end, Malcolm will always be Tommy's dad. Dude, in 4 years, you (and mostly the audience) will be regretting this statement. He sees the world's shadiest triad guy, and goes after him.

He defeats all crime forever by spraying them with hot sauce. He also gives Mandarin so awful, even I could tell it was bad. Still, funny how he aced like it was a simple bathroom break. At Slade's island, Slade catches a pig and tells Oliver he will fix the radio when pigs fly. Oliver fixes the radio. Slade causes the pig to fly. Hah, that was pretty good. Slade and Oliver call in a plane, but the plane can't hear them. Damn it, the pig floated. Ollie calls Lance to tell them the Triad has hired a new Hitman, and Lance acts like Ollie is the devil, and then wants to catch him. Lance, stop acting like a pussy cause the vigilante is doing your job.

So at China HQ, China gives messages to the China men to do a China showdown with China's target with their non China man Hitman. At stupid montage, everyone gets ready for the prom. OF DEATH! That is also a gathering for Malcolm. Tommy decides to go see hisI dad, and Laurel worries about him. AHHHH, HUMAN EMOTIONS! KILL IT BEFORE IT SPREADS TO HER DAD! Well she gets a call, from her MOM! Dun dun dun! She hangs up. So no duns? At the party, Malcolm hits on Moria (DUDE, SHE IS MARRIED! YOU CAN'T HIT ON WOMEN WHO YOU KIDNAPPED THEIR HUSBAND!) Well Frank and Moria wonder when Malcolm will bite the bullet, where Malcolm is made humanitarian of the year. Yay, the 8th worst guy in the Arrowverse is a humanitarian! So at the abandoned factory, Ollie wants fallout boy, but they broke up. Hah, this show is dated. So Ollie and Hall do some flirting by pointing at each other and trying to fit things in. So Felicity finds out the target is Malcolm! Oliver is told to go out, and Ollie tells Lance that Malcolm is the target.

Malcolm gives a speech about his wife's murderer, and wonders if the man knew who she was. Knowing the future episodes... Most likely he knew who she was. Yeah, there is a reason that guy is 7th. Well China pulls the alarm, like a fucking high schooler, and her men kill the guards while Malcolm retreats with Deadshot after him. Malcolm goes to Tommy, and they head out to saftey. They are saved from gunman by Ollie, who tells them to run. Tommy freaks out, and Malcolm tells him he has a panic room. China goes after him, while Deadshot heads out. China and Oliver then battle for dominance of who is the sexiest fighter in the show. Hah... That position was won by Slade long ago. Well Malcolm wastes some fool stepping up on him, and Tommy freaks out his dad can kill. Malcolm confesses.... He is the hood!

The black hood. Yo. Well Deadshot takes out the bulletproof glass with a big gun. Ollie defeats China, but his GF is tired of him hanging around with sexy single Asian girls.com. Deadshot shoots Malcolm, and he is near dead. Well Hall wants Ollie arrested for cheating on her, but Ollie hoses her down. Tommy drags along Malcolm, who has a bullet proof vest! Turns out that does little to help against sniper bullets. Who knew. Oliver goes to Tommy, ands tries to help him, but Tommy strangely finds a man who goes after rich people is not a good idea for his rich dad. Oliver, to make Tommy trust him, reveals he is Oliver. DUN DUN DUN!

Well Oliver goes Gray's Anatomy on Malcolm, and they heal him with the power of love, modern medicine, and a wee bit of plot armor. Mostly with blood sacrifice though. Also, thank god no police and mob went after them. Well Tommy is not a fan of Oliver killing people. Who knew. Malcolm is fine (Damn) and Ollie escapes, while the police are angry at Tommy for saving his dad. How dare he! Tommy either protects his best friend, or disowns him with one sentence. Ooh, I like ambiguous statements. So at Oliver's island, they hear the Soldier's transmissions, and learn he has allies and hear a new quote from the Odyssey of a monster. Slade, like a badass, wants to meet this monster. Ollie heads out with him.

So Ollie heads back to the Quiver, where everyone hates Ollie for saving the one percent. Oliver then tells Diggle that not only is Deadshot alive, but he's blacker then ever. Diggle takes this nicely by walking away. End credits. For Diggle.

At the island, Slade and Oliver see that the monster is a missile launcher powerful enough to start a war. Eep! So At the hospital, Ollie apologizes for cutting the date (SEE SHOW, HE ACTUALLY DID, SO I DON'T HATE YOU FOR IT) But she says she would have cut the date in a short time. So nothing was gained, but making that mess of an episode even worse in comparison. Well Tommy tells Malcolm that the vigilante saved him, and Malcolm tells him that he will never leave him again. Malcolm also mentions Nanda Parbat, and he mentions of a man who helped make sense to him. LIES! THAT MAN MADE NO SENSE! Damn, when will Malcolm stop lying?! Well Moria looks like Malcolm shit on a puppy for being alive (Season 5 Malcolm would shit on a puppy) and Malcolm wants the traitor who tried to kill him dead. Oh silly Malcolm.

Well Tommy is in a weird position with Oliver, and he's not a huge fan of Ollie's night life. He then asks if Oliver would have ever told him... And Oliver admits that no, he never would have. It's a very sad scene, and I like it.

Points: 7

Well Laurel heads out, and sees her mom... River Song! Damn it, are you hear to ruin/make Arrow better? Sorry... Bad memories of Doctor who. Why do all the shows I love go through seasonal rot?! Well she reveals that Sara is alive! But fuck Sarah, she's rotting in the bottom of the ocean.

Score: 7. Pretty good, but could be better. https://youtu.be/3suGfhnT2Sg

Thoughts: China and Deadshot return for a great episode of where Malcolm Merlyn runs away like a bitch for most of the episode. It's pretty good, and Tommy finding out that Oliver is the Hood was a great idea. Plus, the flashbacks expand. So, all and all, good times.