User blog:Nobody700/Flash Reviews: Episode 6; Barry is Useless

Iris becomes one punch man. That's it.

The Flash is Born
Umm, a little late to the uptake, no? Well Iris monologues so badly, Flash kidnaps her! First, all those grammatical errors, and God knows how many prepositions she has ended. Well he tries to act all moral superior, but Iris calls him out by saying her friend sucks. Also she won't call him the streak. She always liked the Blur... Well some asshole in a Humvee... Wait, that's obvious. Well the world's dumbest kid was almost flattened but here comes Barry, spitting in the face of Darwin. The guy attacks Barry with his superstrength and being made of steel. For his next trick, he stops a train! He beats up Barry like a bitch. Wells always wonders how Cisco got a Nobel prize. Must be kinda like how Stein felt when he met Einstein. History remembers you as a wonderful scientist, when in reality... You were kinda of a moron. Flash says a big bad man hurt him. Superman kicked his ass!

Barry must defeat a man made of steel. Get a tazer! Well Joe looks at some early audition tapes of kid Barry, and he is disgusted. Joe says Barry should head with Eddie, cause he saw Breakin In, and his entire world is rocked. Also Singh hates Barry. Get that stick out of your ass Singh. Seems the guy who did it was Tony Stark! Or some other steel guy named Tony, who bullies kid Barry. Damn kid Barry, getting his ass beat. Eddie reveals to Barry he couldn't kill the guy despite hitting him with every bullet. Maybe he's like that guy from Harlam? You know... Icon. Eddie thinks Barry can solve every crime ever with the power of being Barry. Joe comes in to ask Wells of help of who killed Barry's mom. Awkward! Well Cisco and Caitlin remember how they got beat up as kids. Cisco reveals he made a giant steel golem, that Barry should learn to take. Caitlin thinks Barry will hurt himself. He does.

Man, Barry sucks lately. Caitlin asks if Barry was hanging with Iris while harming him. SNOWBARRY! Good to know the cops give no shit to the car door lodged into a wall. Eddie admits he was threatened of Barry till he learned Barry was gay. Barry says he was in glee club ONCE! Plus college is an experimental time. Iris reveals she is Saitama when she takes out Barry. Fuckin Barry, first Girder, then fake Girder, then Iris! What's next? Oliver is gonna kick his ass? Some guy in yellow? The guy from Masters of sex? The Hindu god of motion?! Well Joe suggests some freak in yellow says he killed Nora. Wells suggested the man in yellow was incredibly handsome, well endowed, and probably a master of sex. Wells says though that Meta's were not around before the explosion. Hah, a speedster existing before Barry? Yeah right. What's next, a God of motion? Alternate world's? A female speedster?! Well Eddie and Barry find Tony's work buddies and race after him.

Barry then gets beat up by the guy. Okay, did Barry take some bitch pills today?! I know he did it cause of Eddie, but was dodging too hard? The guy reveals Tony was hit in a steel thing before the explosion. Well Iris's white best friend asks how Iris's sex life is. Iris says meh. Tony comes in, wanting to make things look better. He wants to date Iris, and if not her, some zombie. TIMELY! He says he can take the flash, cause he has super steel powers. You know who can take a guy made of steel? Steel. So the news reveals Tony is criminal scum and he shows her he has super strength. But he does give AMAZING tips, so he isn't all bad. As someone who gets little tips, I enjoy seeing amazing tips. Caitlin is pissed that Iris's blog is now becoming popular and forgetting the original vision of what it was. She liked it's earlier stuff. So Iris reveals to Barry all about Tony. Too bad Flash already knows. Also she says he is Iron Fist.

Speaking of Iron fist, why does he get a show? Bleh, Iron Fist is lame. Outfit is pretty cool., but personality is a bore. So Barry heads out to defeat Tony. He's tired of Marvel! Tony kicks his ass, showing how much of a bitch Barry has been. Really, this has got to be his worst outing! Barry is pissed he is getting his ass kicked every second. He has to hit him at the speed of sound! Also the math is wrong. Fucking wrong math! Barry needs to break the sound barrier to defeat Girder. GOTTA GO FAST! Joe asks about Barry, and Barry reveals he got his ass kicked. Joe says he needs to be calm, and also, stop bothering Iris. Eddie asks if Barry can be his bestie now. Eddie and Barry actually bond a little, which kinda helps flesh out Eddie and also helps Barry learn how to fight better, helping both characters.

Points: 6

So Wells and Joe bond about being father figures to Barry. Joe asks if another particle accelerator existed, and Wells says he never seen any. Joe asks when he came to town, and Wells tells him. Around the same time Nora was murdered. Too be fair, the whole Wells murderers Nora thing is a huge stretch. The two had no connection, Joe is just kinda stretching. So Tony wrecks a police car and kidnaps Iris. Eddie and Barry have so homoerotic moments till Barry learns a babe was kidnapped. Well Cisco sees Barry exploding when he Punchs Tony, and I say that is not good. So Tony takes Iris back to school. Because damn it, they bought the set, and they'll use it! He also wants to be big man of campus. Dude, this isn't a Highschool show! What do you think this is, Teen wolf? I see a lack of werewolves, so I say no. So Barry heads out to stop Tony at the school. Barry confronts Tony, he has to save his only fan. The two battle while Barry saves Iris. He decides that enough is enough, it's time to SONIC BOOM!

Tony can somehow hear the attack... Despite being a sonic boom. SCIENCE, WHATS THAT?! Well even with that, he still stands! How can Barry defeat Girder?! Easy. IRIS!

ONE PUNCH!

No joke, Iris defeats more bad guys in this episode then Barry. Fuckin Barry. Also, HE REVEALS HIS IDENTITY TO TONY!

Points: 3

NEVER EVER FUCKING REVEAL YOUR IDENTITY AND GLOAT ABOUT IT TO YOUR ENEMY! YOU MOTHER FUCKER! WHAT IF HE BREAKS FREE?! He could kill Harry. Also I would do 2, if everyone gave a crap. They joke, so I give a 3. Cisco also wants to imprison their bullies. NOICE. Well Wells and Joe make up. Wells reveals his wife was killed in a car crash, that made him leave Starling. That, and cause some brat named Oliver peed on his front lawn. Wells says that his work didn't create Nora's killer. Joe still wants help from Wells, who says sure. Wells promises that the man who killed Nora will pay.

Oh how wrong he was. So far. Barry heads out to see Iris, apologizing to her. BETTER! Not a point cause he fucked up too much this ep. Fuckin Barry. Barry also name drops his flash name while Iris mentions a guy on fire. Pfft, a guy on fire. Let me guess, he's black. So Iris says he is awesome. I watched this episode, he isn't awesome. At all. Well Joe checks the evidence when he's attacked by a red light with yellow around. The evidence is gone, and on the wall, is Iris's photo with a knife in the throat. Umm... OKAY!

Points: 4

Score: 4. Flawed, and could use work. https://youtu.be/cdEQmpVIE4A

MVC: The man in yellow, for saving this episode.

MSC: Barry, for being almost useless. I expected more from you! Well, at least he won't lose his powers next ep.

Thoughts: Barry was a moron, Iris has super strength, and OMG, REVERSE FLASH! I may have shit thyself.