User blog:Nobody700/Arrow Reviews: Episode 18; Trains, Roys and Shados oh my!

So I have been given pills by concerned loved ones because I set an arrow on fire while muttering about five lights... Let's get to the review!

Salvation
So Ollie gives the world's sexiest exposition about some scum bag, and decides to do his one passion in life... Arrowing people. He heads out, and the man somehow has a ou he window room. Yeah, they make you a douche by even being there. He hears noises, and grabs a knife, but someone takes him out. But Ollie comes in! Ollie learns he's late to the party though. Man, must be embarrassing. First Deadshot, and now this? What's next, Felicity hits the weights and goes after people with her Iron arms! He, strangely enough... Decides to go after the guy, and everyone finds it weird. He doesn't want people on his territory, but I do admit, he has a point. I joke about him, but he is very restrained. This guy could be another Hele... I mean, he could be like Punisher, from the Marvel comic series! Very great and respectable character, but is also very cruel to crime.

So at flashback negotiations, they make him get a boat, and they wait longer then an hour for a boat. Yeah, Slade has a point. It takes time Ollie. But Ollie wants everything done in half an episode of arrow. So Roy makes out with Thea, creaming his pants even more, and making him think of dead cats. Roy is give a gun by some man in a hood... OLLIE?! So that's how the Queen's are rich... Rob from the rich, AND from the poor. It's so devious, I can respect it. Well Thea always thought that gun in Roy's pants was his penis (Trust me Thea, his is more like a peashooter. Because his penis is small.) and I am surprised the gun didn't immediately shoot Roy in the face because of his awful reflexes.

Roy claims he wants to rob a liquor store because the owner is scum for selling liquor, and takes out the bullets for Thea. He says life in the streets is hard, but Thea doesn't give a shit and leaves him. Roy proceeded to sob and masturbate the whole night. (Why do I mock Roy? Because it's fun. :D ) So Laurel finds her dads place covered in a search for Sara, and it looks like my shrine for the cast of Joe Dirt. A crazy mess. Well Laurel is not a fan, and Lance tries to make her join the crazy cult. Laurel retreats, not wanting to be crazy. So Oliver and Diggle go on a romantic date where he is still sad over Hall...

Fuck, thanks for reminding me.

Points: 0

Wait... This episode isn't the worst.

Points: 5

So they talk women, and Oliver still has problems making friends. Well everyone is texted a video of some guy in the world's most generic heavy voice (PLEASE, IN THE COMMENTS, WHO DOES THIS VOICE?!) Where he is ready to torture the guy from before in his video for Deadtube. First, fuck that series. Second, he is totally stealing Oliver's stuff. Third, not enough people going 'fake, gay, gay fake' in the show. Four, he has a weird ass basement. Lastly, will people somehow use this to blame videogames? The answer is yes. The gang finds out the guy calls himself the 'Savior' and he has kidnapped someone new! The D.A! He claims the guy didn't care about his wife's death, and they find out who he is. He tells the guy to make a case.

SO AT A SCENE THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MAIN PLOT AND COMES OFF AT WHIPLASH, MORIA AND FRANK...

Oh, disturbed by my all caps? Should be, why the hell is this scene happening between the one where Ollie is trying to save the D.A? That's like if in Daredevil, while Matt went after Kingpin, we were treated to a scene of him doing a high speed chase... While Foggy decided to make a burrito.

Points: 4

So they actually talk about Malcolm, and they think of a new scheme of the week to kill him. They try to make sure Malcolm doesn't know who he is, and Frank suggests hiding Moria's family, but Moria knows that's too shady. Slim Shady.

SO ANOTHER SCENE THAT HAS TO DO JACK SHIT! (Guys, the D.A has ten minutes to live! PUT THESE SCENES AFTER THE ONE WHERE HE IS SAVED OR DIES!) Thea and Laurel fail men's rights activist forever by talking about men, and Thea describes him as a bad boy. Lies. She also claims Laurel is a whore.

Points: 5

Yeah, I love that. She says ditch his ass, which I agree. I would not want Roy's baby if I was a woman. Laurel then gets news of the woman who looks like Sara, who is in the US! Dun Dun Dun!

So... OH MY GOD, THE SCENE THAT MATTERS!

https://youtu.be/UWLIgjB9gGw

Okay, so Felicity finds him, and Oliver heads out on his bike. He also says the Hood is allergic to the sun. BATMAN! So the D.A says he had too much time having sex with his prostitutes to do his job, and Oliver uses his God given right to break down doors in an abounded hotel. But he can't find the guy. Somehow, he is moving. Oliver, in a physically impossible way, jumps 20 feet across buildings with no problem, and goes down buildings. He goes across the streets doing his adorable little jumps on the way. Well the D.A is found guilty, and is killed, while Oliver finds the guys spot being filled with land. Felicity runs off, depressed after failing to save a life.

So Oliver tells her it's not her fault, but she blames herself and has a minor meltdown while Oliver explains this happens. It's a somber scene, that leads to Ollie and Slade making a deal with Fyers. Seems our heroes hid the location of the circuit board, and Fyers brings something new to the table. One circuit board, for one Sexy single Asian girl! Hmm... Clever girl. Not Shado, of course. She would not be here if she was. So Laurel tells her parents she has the found the girl, and it's not Sara. Or Sarah, thank god! Well Lance's and River's world has just crumbled forever. THANKS LAUREL!

Laurel wonders why they love Sara more then her. Well her mother runs away broken, while Lance gives her the same look I give a man who punches babies. So Roy and Thea have a fight where Roy says he must suffer cause that's edgy, and OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE GLADES, HE IS KIDNAPPED! Oh man, no reason, just pure luck. That's easily, a whole new level, of bad for Roy.

Level 3: Ultra Weenie mode, achieved.

So the guy beats up Thea and Roy fails to shoot him because he listened to Thea. Man, now isn't that a bad sign for their relationship, huh? One time he listened to her, he gets kidnapped.

Poor Stupid Roy Moment: 11

So Thea sobs over seeing her weenie boyfriend get kidnapped, and now this makes Oliver happy. I mean angry. Well Malcolm calls... Oh man, again? Why?! Well he find out who wants to kill him. Some bastard named Nobody700. I STILL HATE YOU FOR TORCHWOOD!

So... AGAIN?! Episode! I would take a point off, but I already did. Shit. Well River is sad, and still thinks Sara is alive. Bah, Sara alive? That girl is dead, move on. She will never come back alive. Again. Does the Savage blowing up Central city part count? So River explains the reason she is super hurt by this, is because she is the one who knew Sara went to go to the yacht. Sorry Laurel, even your mom thinks OliverXSara is better then OliverXLaurel. She blamed herself ever since. Wow... This is dark. Umm... How can I make a joke of a parent thinking for 5 years and blaming the self for killing their child? Umm... Batman V.S Superman sucks? Damn it, I have nothing. Fine, you win this round, episode. BUT I WILL WIN THE WAR!

So the gang learn of the greatest plot twist since Bruce Willis turned out to be a hero in Die Hard... THEIR IS A TRAIN IN STARLING!

https://youtu.be/qNLrNFbcevM

Well, more like a subway. So at Mexican standoff island, turns out Shado, when not raping Ollie, is a badass. They fight and fight some more with them getting ahead. Even Ollie wins a fight. But backup comes, and our 4 Heroes bravely run away while Yaoi is shot. No, Bury the gays trope in effect. They leave him to die because they fear they'll catch the gay from him. So Ollie heads into the subways to find a CGI train, and OMG, he has green makeup. That is so cute.

So when the guy asks why Roy should live, Roy doesn't even know why, saying no one will miss him, and that he is garbage. Hmm...

Poor Stupid Roy Moment: 12

Even Roy makes fun of Roy. How Meta. So Ollie goes in saving Roy, because he knows as long as he lives, no way his sister will lose her virginity. He tells the man to stop killing people, and tells him to give people's chances. He says fuck that noise, and says his life sucks. Oliver points out he understands, and says he can't tie up people and kill them. Well he tries to kill him, but Ollie kills him instead, to save a life.

Also, I was about to make a joke of him being exactly like Malcolm Merlyn... But I changed my mind. He never tried to nuke the world. So Roy falls in love with Arrow, and steals his arrow, while Ollie lets the hurt man try to escape a train speeding off.

Poor Stupid Roy Moment: 13

Also River gives a stupid flash joke. IT'S NOT FUNNY! But it will be in a few years. I bet everyone in Central City makes that joke when going there now. So River leaves, and Thea sees that Roy is alive. She is glad he isn't dead, and he sobs. I won't give him a weenie point for that. Men can cry. But he keeps the arrow with him, and acts all Gollum with it. Which is.

Poor Stupid Roy Moment: 14

So a fucking Rihanna song plays... Which makes the scene immediately worst in every way. Also Laurel and Oliver... Talk. Just... Talk. Nothing of importance was said. I think. I tune out every scene with these two. So Oliver in the Flash reveals the circuit board was taken. Oliver, hide it next time! So Shado explains that she knows Fyers plan. So Frank and Moria hang, being scared of Maloclm, when Frank is shot. N... Oh, I give no shit. So Moria tries to protect Frank's family from him, and not Malcolm agrees... And disappears. Somehow. Is he the Flash?!

So Moria breaks down, with one of her closet friends blood on her hand. Yeah... Not good. So Felicity tries to make a joke of Roy humping Thea. Other way around Felicity. He also tells Felicity he will be her gay best friend. Also Oliver learns that the map of the subway line in the Glades is in the list! DUN DUN DUN! Wait, we knew the Glades was important.

Score: 5. Average, nothing more, nothing less https://youtu.be/ussCHoQttyQ

Thoughts: Really, compared to last episode, this is a work of art made by the gods. In reality, it's an okay episode with a good idea surrounded by some weak stuff. Still, some nice Roy moments of him being a whiny weenie boy!